Ok, I sorta got my wish. I ended up riding around not in an ambulance but w/an RC. RC stands for Rescue Captain. Basically, he is a Paramedic supervsior. He was also my instructor for my EMT cert.
Nothing gruesome but my first two calls of the day were 802’s. (Dead on arrival) The first was sad as an 11 year old boy woke up to find his mother had passed away during the night. Truly impactful event for an 11 year old boy wouldn’t you say? The parents were estranged from each other so we had to stand by till the father could come onscene. The boy handled it like a trooper and his giant tomcat seemed to be a huge comfort (that was for you homer). Having already been predisposed to such tragedies on a daily basis from my current job, I was saddened but very in control. Lets face it, people die everyday. I can think of no better way to go than peacefully in your sleep in your own home.
A couple hours go by and we get another call. A typical man down/3rd party scenario. A “concerned citizen” sees someone and calls 911. In this scenario it was a 915 (aka homeless person) who had passed away. We get these calls every day. Said concerned citizen feels guilty for not taking the time to check on a fellow human all because he happens to be dirty, smelly, and homeless. So they call us to check on him. Nine times out of ten, it’s just a guy or two sleeping off his night of drinking. This guy was found face down in a parking lot w/what few belongings he owned around him. He had some minor lacerations to face/body apparently from sliding over during the night. And he was also completely dead. It was apparent from details I will not disclose his death was caused by an internal bleed. Upon arrival the Medic unit and PD were already onscene. As the RC is the highest ranking officer on scene, decisions are confirmed w/him out of protocol. I only mention it because said person had no ID, no family to notify, no friends to mourn his loss, etc.
While still in control of myself, I was deeply disturbed by the futility of his death. In the first scenario, the person was obviously a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, etc. She had a home filled w/fond memories of those around her. Plenty would mourn and remember her. Her son while traumatized, still had family and friends to support him thru his loss. What about the homeless guy? Who would remember him? Who would mourn him? Where was his family? Was he any less deserving because he happened to be downtrodden? Why could he not seek medical aid for his obvious injuries? Or worse, had he and been turned away? All of these questions roamed thru my head as I’m helping cover and protect his now cold lifeless body while waiting for the coroner. Here was a man found dead and no one really cared. I was humbled and shamed by the reality of the situation. I was comforted in my belief that he is no longer trapped in ‘this mortal coil’. He is free from the tragic reality of his day to day life.
I don’t know John Doe but he will be remembered, if only by me.
Moby, how long did it take you to become accustomed to death? Maybe accustomed is the wrong word. I am sure after time it becomes easier to deal with.
I will agree with you about the homeless man, who will miss him? But maybe he did have a family who morned his loss long ago when he disappeared.
I am not sure if this was a good day for you or bad. But it looks like you got something out of it.
Pete – It was a good day. I got a lot out of it. I posted it as I felt it was worth putting out there.
I don’t think one ever becomes accustomed to death however, you develop a sort of disconnected view of it. It is easier to look at it when it is not a loved one and you are in a somewhat clinical setting.
Both calls were very sad Moby. Steve was right. What a very moving post, about the side of life (or death) most of us don’t see.
3T
Moby…
I saw that you were on Steve’s blog (Bent Collective) just after my entry. I am assuming you most likely saw my comments I posted but just in case, they follow:
“As for Moby, I can clearly say I sensed the person he was not far into reading his blog. He clearly has a ‘human’ element about him and perhaps its due to some of his life experiences, as difficult as they may have been. I am just glad that over course of time he has found strength and the good friends to encourage him in the right direction. Personally, I’m looking forward to meeting the real Moby in April at a fellow bloggers SF party.”
I mean what I say. I know we haven’t met yet but I believe in my assessment of your character. It’s refreshing to know that their are some people out there that pause to take a moment and feel for others they don’t know. For me death is never easy, even if when it doesn’t involve, family or friends. I always ask myself questions such as “how alone was this person,” “did this person pass away having been loved, despised, hated,” etc. I think you know what I am trying to say. But perhaps it is because I tend to be a more sensative person.
I do hope our paths are going to cross when I am up fro Rob’s celebration!! Glad your ride finally came through too. Great Post.
Moby – that you found a different level of empathy for John Doe really speaks accolades about you as a person. Keep this up and you’re going to have to start wearing a an undershirt with a big yellow “S” on it. Superhero material in my book…
Nice blog. Good job.
My mom was mentally ill and though we tried to take care of her, she insisted on roaming the streets like a bag lady…
Whenever I see a bag lady, I think, that is someone’s mom or sister…