No, Not Me! He Did It!

So following on the trail of Dunner and Steve, I thought I’d weigh in on recent news of HIV men arrested and even being sent to prison for not revealing their status to sex partners. One case, a women was arrested, sent to jail, and put on probation even though none of her sex partners sero-converted. Another case, a man faces 15 years in prison just for spitting on an officer. Spitting which has been repeatedly proven not to be a form of virus transmission. As if that wasn’t scary enough, another man was arrested and is being tried on higher charges for simply soliciting sex for money. He didn’t even HAVE sex. Yet, he is facing serious jail time, if not prison, out of fear, hate, and misinformation in a back-asswards state.

For the record, I do not condone deceit in any form. If you are poz, you have an obligation to let your partners know your status. You also shouldn’t assume because he isn’t putting a condom on, “he must be neg” or because “he didn’t ask me to put a condom on, he must be poz”. I’m not referring to anyone who would intentionally infect others. That’s a whole nother ball of wax.

Sending HIV-positive men/women to prison for poor judgement is not the answer. And it sets a dangerous precedent for everyone. Not to mention, creating laws liked this will only encourage more people not to get tested. Now how is that in any way productive? It isn’t.

And we know the straight white men in charge always do the right thing, right? Of course, if that were true, we wouldn’t be having this argument. We also would never have robbed the Indians of the their land, enslaved a whole race of human beings, objectified women for half a century, or abandoned a whole section of society simply because of their same-sex attractions.

What it boils down to is simple. Whether you are positive or negative, you are the only person responsible for your health as well as the decisions you make. If you want to stay negative, then you should make sure you have safe sex and/or have the balls to ask your sexual partners their status beforehand. Saying “well, he should have told me” and pointing blame is a cop out.

8 thoughts on “No, Not Me! He Did It!”

  1. Your entry is just begging for these questions:

    You see a “person” leaving with a trick. You KNOW that the trick is POZ and you KNOW that the trick will tell the “person” he is NEG. AND you can be pretty sure safe sex won’t be praticed (it is not most of the time).

    1. Do you inform the person or honor the privacy of the trick?

    2. Does it depend how how you found out the trick was POZ?

    3. Does it depend on how you know the trick will deny he is POZ?

    4. Does it depend on how well you know the “person”?

    5. Does it depend on how serious you take A.I.D.S.? (let’s face it, most people think it’s over)

    6. Do you have any responsiblity to get involved?

    7. Do you think your answers to the above questions will be influenced by how much A.I.D.S. has touched/changed your/your friends’ lives?

    8. How mad will you be with people who disagree with your answers?

    I’ve been through these questions many times. How about you?

  2. I have several problems w/the questions. 1) The questions make assumptions based on what sounds like a previous experience. One experience does not make them all the same. But for argument, lets assume said person has a track record of doing exactly what you mention above.

    2) All of your questions assume the other person leaving w/the poz guy has no say in the matter, but he does. As stated above, I am responsible for my actions as are you for yours. There are two people invovled in the equation. Both have an obligation to find out.

    3) I don’t believe that safe sex is not practiced that often. And I find the defeatist attitude of that statement annoying.

    And for the record, I lost more friends than I care to count to this horrible illness.

    Here are my answers to your questions.
    1, No I would not get involved
    2, No
    3, No, and it shouldn’t matter, if your letting a perfect stranger stick his dick up your butt, and you want to remain neg, then you should have a condom on it.
    4, No
    5, I take it very serious and I do not think its “over” by any stretch of the imagination.
    6, No
    7, Yes
    8, Angry? no, Disappointed, probably. But it falls back on personal responsibility.

    Now my question to you is what were your answers?

    I don’t have all the answers to this problem we face however, I do know enough to realize throwing people in jail does nothing to fix the problem. I’d argue it would help to increase it. And as long as this country sits back and pretends this is a “gay disease”, we won’t get any answers either.

  3. OK, here goes:

    1. I totally believe in a person’s privacy. I tell people who get tested to go to an “anonymous” site, NOT the “confidental” ones )(they aren’t). I often recommend getting tested and explain to people how easy (and cheap) it is today. I know which places are which and direct them according.

    2. Doesn’t matter how I found out (Many, many ways).

    3. I have heard “first hand” people lie about their HIV status. I personally know people who always lie. (Haven’t you read the posters in the Eagle john?)

    4. Here’s the “stickler”. I believe strongly in privacy, etc. However, I lost ALL my close friends and many, many other friends to A.I.D.S. I watched them die; I also have friends who suffer from A.I.D.S. everyday. I know what this disease does to someone. I know what it means to live with A.I.D.S. Occassionally I have to make a judgement call: If I consider the “person” a CLOSE friend, I will call out “Play Safe”.

    5. My boyfriend is 38 years old. He was an officer of one of the largest gay groups in the Midwest. He organized the A.I.D.S. march every year to raise money. When I met him (2000), he had NEVER met anyone (who admitted it) with HIV or A.I.D.S. I don’t think it’s over; I think it has only BEGUN! I know you read Joe.My.God; look at how he was labeled as talking about A.I.D.S. too much in his blog. Whether we like it or not, people just don’t think about it (and I bet alot of people will skip over your blog today – I thought it was an important post).

    6. I don’t get involved except in infrequent specific situations noted above. I try to educate, but it’s a battle. Have YOU ever been “booed” off a stage?

    7. Definitely. A.I.D.S. has totally affected my life, but most people don’t want to talk about it because it’s “depressing” (no shit). And it has touched the lives of the best friends I ever had (they’re all dead).

    8. I don’t usually get mad. Seems most people disagreeing are actually on the same page, just not fully communicating.

    I agree with you about not throwing people in jail. What’s next – quarantine? It has been discussed by the fundies. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I hope to learn a few by discussion. But what to you do with people who intentionally spread A.I.D.S.? You have heard of the “bug chaser” parties, haven’t you? And then there’s the local bath house. We wanted to put FREE condoms in each room. They wouldn’t let us because it would look like people were having sex in the rooms (no, really this is true!).

    And here’s one for you to chew on: Gays get information on A.I.D.S. from every gay bar, restaurant, bath house, etc. Where do “straight” guys get information? There are groups that have “hotel parties”. Many “straight” guys attend. I have seen many pictures of these parties. I have seen pictures of fucking. Guess what I don’t see? SAFE SEX BEING PRACTICED. I started to post information on their website. I got private emails from guys that didn’t know how A.I.D.S. was passed (really) and wanted to learn more. Then the GOD DAMN group owners threw me out because I was depressing and ruining the atmosphere of their parties. One of the fastest growing groups of new HIV case is heterosexual married monogamous women who find out when they have a pregnancy test. THEIR CHEATING HOTEL PARTY HUSBANDS ARE GIVING IT TO THEM! But on a more cheerful closing note, how many straight guys do you think have read this blog and learned something?

    Sorry for the length, but I think it’s all important.

  4. there are no “howevers” when it comes to privacy today. the wingnuts are gearing up for battle to take it all away. see the story that broke today about the Bush regime attempt to stormtroop GOOGLE into handing over ALL OF OUR PERSONAL INFORMATION to the Bush fascists. America is changing, my friends. and we’re all just letting it happen.it’s berlin in 1932 and we’re all the jews.

  5. Jeff,

    I read your post a few times and am trying to figure out exactly where exactly you come down on this, and why you seem to present several differnt themes.

    As someone who works in HIV prevention and management, as well as a candidate in the doctoral fellowship program in HIV primary care in medically underserviced populations, I can speak with a bit of authority on this issue.

    You believe privacy is important, yet you are willing to call out across a room to someone if they leave with one who you happen to “know” is HIV positive, and you also “know” that he is not going to disclose. In my way of looking at this, and if human behaviour since the begining of time is a reliable indicator, you would “know” his status if in fact he told you he was positive, or if you had been the practitioner who had delivered the results of his HIV test. Otherwise, you don’t know, unless of course, he has sexual experience with you, and told you he was negative but then you happened to gain your knowledge elsewhere, which brings us back to the same place as the first example.

    Simply, stop gossiping about what, who, how other men have sex. Police your own sex life, and if you have a partner, police his. As mature gay men who exist in a culture that is autonomous and self defining, leave it to the rest of us to navigate the waters of sexual choice.

    No one is happy about the rates of transmission in this community. But I can promise you that it is much more layered and complicated than married men getting “a bit on the side”. Posing as someone to infiltrate their little hotel sex romp may seem very much the way of the crusader, but it does nothing if effective prevention is your goal. If you want to help, live it in your own life first, (and I am not implying you are not) and guide, help others if requested or if you see a need. other than that, let people live their own lives.

    Cheers,

    Steve

  6. No need to apologize Jeff. Conviction w/o discussion isn’t really conviction at all. You’re comments are always respectful even when you disagree.

    While I understand your compassion, some of your comments delve into other more disturbing topics, related but not really the focus of my rant. People who deliberately infect themselves is a horrible issue unto itself and maybe I’ll crack that one open some day. However, the point I was trying to make was about taking personal responsiblity for your actions including your health. With that in mind it would render most of the points you bring up moot.

  7. I am on the side of Moby on this one. You have to assume everyone is Poz. You alone are responsible for your own actions.

    It is much harder to talk about your status living in the South than on the West Coast or in NYC. Why? Because it is still very much comprised of small town America. Everyone knows everybody.

    Want Proof? Look at how few personal ads on gay.com, manhunt, etc. put “ask me” about status or leave it blank. My roomie told me that anyone that does not put “neg” is surely positive. I told him that there are surely poz guys that have “neg” in their profile. So… why guess? Just protect yourself and be responsible for your own health and judgement.

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