Ablation 2

Hawt.. right?!

Well, I had my 2nd ablation on my back this week. After almost 3 years, it was past time. The daily pain and discomfort were too much to manage. Everyone seemed surprised I went this long. Apparently, the procedure usually only lasts a year or two at most. 

I guess I was probably past due and stubborn. I don’t like going to hospitals. I spent a big chunk of my early life, including my very first year alive, in one. I try to avoid it when I can. I’ve learned not to be too stubborn though. Anyway, I did everything I could to manage it. We changed mattresses (again), I did yoga style and decompression exercises and exercises to strengthen it when I could in the gym. It all worked to varying degrees for awhile, but it got to the point where I just couldn’t sleep w/o sleep inducing muscle relaxers. They did a great job managing my sleep but it began creeping more into my comfort zones during the day. Needless to say, it was time. 

So far, I’m feeling better than after the first one. The old nerves didn’t grow back but they couldn’t “cut them all” I guess. Lol  So this time around they dissolved a whole new batch of pain nerves. I woke up the day after with zero pain in my back for the first time in at least 5 years. It was wonderful. I’m not sure how long this will last, but I’m so going to enjoy it as long as I can. Last time, it helped tremendously but I still routinely had pain to varying degrees. The biggest benefit from the last procedure was no more back spasms. I was so grateful then to be free of the spasms, I didn’t even think twice about the success of the procedure. This time around I’m actually in no pain so far. Realistically, I don’t expect that to last. As the situation continues, I’m sure other nerves will become reactive to compensate for the muscles being continuously aggravated by the spinal bones grinding together.

The doc did say I’m likely to be back sooner for the inflammation part of the equation. This procedure primarily deals with the nerves causing pain in the muscles. Occasionally, the disc itself gets inflamed and causes its own issues and pain. I can usually manage it with over the counter meds, but I’ll probably be back in a year (or less) for a steroid injection to create more lasting relief from inflammation. Time will tell. One thing I am hoping for this time is more time strengthening the muscles. Previously, even light exercises would make the whole area flare up and stay aggravated for days. There were very few days where I could get an actual workout in for the lower back muscles.

For now, I’m so grateful to be relatively pain free. I say relative because I can still feel things “aren’t right” in the area. Every so often, I twist or move a certain way and I can feel things ajar, so to speak. No pain for the time being and I’ll take it! 

Hope springs eternal! 

55

Here I am at 55 years. Who da thunk it? 55?!  There are days where I feel old and then there are days when I completely feel disconnected from my age. How’s that for a kick in the pants?

Thanks to all of those who reached out via various methods to  wish me a happy birthday. I appreciate the well-wishes.

Mentally, I have probably never felt my age. I always seem to be about 10 years behind. Lol Ironically, the hubby is 10 years my junior. I’ve often wondered if our connection is part of my “young” feeling. I grew up very isolated from the outside world so I’ve always felt behind in the growth dept. Ironically, having dealt with a lot of my personal demons, there are plenty of times where I feel like the only adult in the room. It’s a weird juxtaposition. Physically, I feel my age. I’ve had multiple age related issues in the last 5 or so years. The eye, the nose, the back, the prostrate, etc. The back being the most invasive so far. I’m headed back or a 2nd nerve ablation on the muscles in my back in early February. I hate it because it makes me feel old and I don’t like that.

Anyway, my 55th year has arrived. The hubby made it special, as always. He knew exactly what to get me. It helps that I blab a lot about my own procrastinations. We had a nice relaxing day. We did a mani/pedi, dinner, and then my gifts. If you come here often, you’ll know I’m not big on birthdays. It was just never overly important in my family. The hubby always does something nice for me and appreciate him. As someone who tends to be a caregiver by nature, it’s nice to feel cared for at times.

Of course, as I age in the gay world, I do notice my age more often. Being 55 in gay years is practically ancient. Lol Joking aside, it is an issue. Ageism is a big issue for our community. Many older gay men feel invisible or ignored. While I personally don’t mind aging, it does sting at times when I get shunned or ignored simply due to age. I could try to “relive” my childhood like so many but that is exhausting and expensive. Frankly, I’m too lazy for that. Hehehe  I may encounter the occasional sting of ageism but I’m also adult enough to know I can’t remain in the young and pretty category forever. Age comes to us all. I can accept it, with its limitations, or I can be bitter. The latter again takes too much effort. Lol

I’m grateful for the health I do have. I hope to find some relief of the back issues come February. Regardless, I have another year under my belt. I never actually thought I’d even see 50, so I’m glad for another year above groune. Hehehe

Hope springs eternal…

2026

Well, we made it thru another year. I’m not exactly sure how we did it, but we did. I mean the world is twirling on a ledge of ignorance and bias, but we made it to another year.

It is cold and rainy here so stayed my ass at home. We rang in the new year watching reruns of fireworks and then catching the local ones on replay. [1]We don’t have cable and couldn’t find a live stream that worked. Lol I’ve never really been big on the whole NY thing. I used to make resolutions but they were always half assed and I rarely stuck with them. I eventually gave up and just started making “resolutions” on a regular basis vs waiting for the “New year, new me” approach. I’d like to think it worked out bettera that way. That said, if you make resolutions I hope you stick with them!

Someone asked me recently if I still did personal growth updates here on the blog. This blog definitely started to help me cope with not only my life but also my issues. And it was a success. One might say too much of a success, as I haven’t really felt the need to delve into my id much in the last few years. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still have bad days, but I’ve dealt with the soul-crippling issues from my past. I’ve tried not to turn this site into a bitch session about the Orange turd and the related tragedy that is politics lately. No one needs another page of bitterness to read. Lol I’ll try to make more personal posts, but at some point you get tired of hearing about my ailments. hehehe

Anyway, Happy New Year! I hope you have a very safe and happy one.

References

References
↑1 We don’t have cable and couldn’t find a live stream that worked. Lol

Blocking

I’m curious. How often do you block people on social media? Do you have different rules for different sites? Do you have a line that can’t be crossed? Or is it arbitrary?

I’m curious as I block folks often. I’ll share some of my reasons later.

Spill it. Lol How often do you block people or do you even block at all?

Ablation 2

Well, it looks like I’m headed back for a 2nd ablation on my back. The last 6 months have been a roller coaster of managing discomfort and pain, with the last 2 months being pretty rough.

I finally scheduled a follow up and the doc was a tad surprised I’d managed it for so long. I was in turn surprised, as the old nerves haven’t really come back as before. I didn’t think another ablation was even possible. I didn’t realize the inflammation of nerves can move around. Lol  I thought for sure they were going to recommend steroid shots.  The inference I got was ablations are sort of used in place of steroid shots now .They still do them but apparently this method is often more effective. Who knew?

It’s a same day procedure and I’m just waiting for scheduling to call me to get it done and over with. I guess since it’s already a known issue my insurance isn’t making me jump thru all the hoops I did last time. I’m hoping it happens sooner than later. We have vacation coming up in late January and I’d obviously like the benefits of the procedure before the trip.

*

It sucks getting old. I hate that my body has betrayed me. Lol I don’t feel old in spirit, but my body is like, “no bitch, you is old now!” Like, WTF?!

And I know in the scope of things I could be much worse, so am grateful for the health I have. That doesn’t make it any less frustrating dealing with it though.

Hope springs eternal…

I.C.E.

Someone asked my opinion on the whole immigrant debacle going on in our country right now. I may have been reading too hard between the lines, but my impression was the person asking thought I’d be in support of it since “I have a strong sense of fairness.” Yeah, no.

The inference that I would be against people coming here illegally vs legally is a complete abandonment of the complexity surrounding the issue(s). In a perfect world maybe, but we are far from a perfect world. Our ancestors stole this land so we don’t really get to act too high and mighty over the idea of immigration.

First, human beings are not illegal, regardless of their country of origin. “Illegal Aliens” is just a dissociative attempt to create division. Ya know, those people.  This whole idea of “being illegal” based on geography needs to die a painful death. We do need some form of immigration rules but that doesn’t equate to humans being imprisoned or suffering any of the current atrocities being committed in the name of America.

Forgetting for a moment how convoluted, expensive, and laborious we’ve made legal immigration, immigrants (documented and undocumented) put far more money into our economy than they ever take out. [1]https://itep.org/undocumented-immigrants-taxes-2024/    And these numbers are often underreported. They take jobs no one else wants because they don’t pay well, including food picking. The latter also keeps our food prices lower because we are getting those prices off the backs of hard working immigrants getting paid below minimum wage.

There are simply no honest metrics you can find that lend itself to the idea of immigrants being bad for our way of life. If your only argument is they come here illegally, you’re really covering for other reasons. You can sell that narrative until the cows come home, but no one believes you.

References

References
↑1 https://itep.org/undocumented-immigrants-taxes-2024/ 

Cellular

I got asked how things were going with Verizon since I switched. It’s been a mixed bag actually.

The cellular service has been stellar. The difference is definitely noticeable, in all the areas that bothered me most with Tmo. It basically boils down to the lower LTE spectrum. Tmo and Verizon are mostly identical for their 5g offerings. However, when you drop down to LTE Tmo goes to shit, especially indoors.

There are dead spots for any carrier, but Verizon has really built out their networks to cover basically everything, at least here in SF.

The customer service is a whole other story though. For whatever reason I had significant technical difficulties getting my Android watch switched over. We spent over two hours at a Verizon store getting it set up. Even worse, because I had a temporary printout extension on my license, they had to officially put the account in the hubby’s name to get us started. It was “supposed” to be an easy switch once the weekday rolled around and I could call in and get it transferred. It could not have been more difficult. It went on for almost a month and I was seriously tempted to go back to Tmo.

I was finally assigned a level 3 tech support person and she was able to get things sorted after about a week. Even she couldn’t originally fix it. It turned out to be related to some internal upgrades that had nothing to do with me but somehow impacted my account. Once I got everything “fixed” it was pretty much smooth sailing. I’m hopeful I never need customer support ever again, because it was a painful experience.

Tmo may not be the best service but their customer support is several degrees of magnitude better than Verizon. And don’t even get me started on the absolute mess that is the Verizon app. Good lawd, what an absolute waste of time.

Everything is fixed and running smoothly now. I had one additional hiccup when I upgraded my Pixel watch. I had to go into a store but he had it sorted in less than 10 minutes.

So there ya go.

KTN

I finally got my Known Traveler Number. Shawn and I had originally applied before COVID. Everything shut down and we sort of forgot about it. Fast forward a year when things we open/closed depending on which shutdown we were dealing with to keep people alive, and we got notifications we could schedule the in-person appt. [1]Back then you couldn’t do the in person part until you had been pre-approved. Shawn promptly went and got his and I promptly forgot about mine.

Fast forward to our honeymoon to PV this year and he had it but I didn’t. He was kind enough to wait with me in the regular line.

*Procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate*

Here we are at the end of the year and I finally applied again. I went to an Office Depot for the in-person meeting. I thought there would be a significant questionnaire or interview. Nope. Fill out the application online bring your passport, confirm all the details in person, and apparently you’re done. I got my approval 24 hours after my meeting.

Unlike Clear, which is ridiculously expensive per year and not available everywhere, my KTN is good for 5 years and available at all US airports.

I guess I’m fancy now. 😂

References

References
↑1 Back then you couldn’t do the in person part until you had been pre-approved.

FU

Nothing vulgar, it stands for follow up in my line of work. We use a lot of abbreviations and trainees often giggle when they encounter this one, for the obvious reason.

I got several wonderful emails congratulating me on my pending retirement. Sadly, it still feels like forever away. Five years is still 5 years!

One person asked, “do you ever feel like your frustration interferes with your ability to help people?“

The easy answer is no, but that isn’t exactly true. Do I ever worry that I’ll deny someone in need of service? No. It’s just not my nature. Even if the person is absolutely terrible on the phone, if I get enough to determine a real need, I’ll send someone no matter what. Even for combative callers, if I can at least get a location I can send someone. It won’t be “lights and sirens,” but someone will respond.

Has it affected my general tolerance? Yes. While I’m never deliberately rude or mean, I do get annoyed more often with difficult or combative callers. As long as I can recognize the difference between annoyance and neglect I’m ok. It’s when I can’t recognize the difference that I’m in trouble.

In some ways I’m less fazed by critical calls, as at this point “I’ve heard it all before.” I still find myself attentive and concerned though. I strive to be good at my job not just “meeting standard” and I’m proud of that.

Another key sign is I don’t carry my anger over from one call to the next. I can have a truly terrible call and be pleasant and agreeable on the next call. We are allowed to take a very short break to collect ourselves if needed but I just don’t carry it over. I almost laugh sometimes when I go from a truly nasty call to a pleasant one. Callers have actually clocked my tone of voice a few times in those instances. 😂

So yes and no would be my answer. In some ways yes and others no. It is my nature to be helpful and neither my job nor life in general has broken that yet.

Hope springs eternal…

Five

I’m five years away from retirement. It feels weird. It was 10 years up until last November, but after two decades of trying to get my classification corrected, we succeeded thru a ballot initiative. Prior to that we were considered miscellaneous clerks instead of public safety. For real, I save lives for a living but was considered a clerk.

I should clarify, I’ll take my pension in 5 years but I won’t have the age for social security. The city has a program called Prop F that allows retirees to work for the city on a limited capacity without violating your pension rules. I can work roughly 1000 hours a year which works out to about 2 days a week. I’d love that to be honest. I’ll end up doing that for an additional 2 years until I can take social security. [1]If it still exists.

Anyway, it feels surreal. My job has been my life for so long, it’s hard to imagine not doing it. Oh, make no mistake I’m more than ready, but it doesn’t feel real yet. I don’t have an exact plan yet but there are things I want to do. I’m probably the odd man out in that I don’t have big plans to travel the world. I’m sure I’ll do some traveling, but it’s never been a driving force for me. There are still a few bucket list items to visit though.

I’ll probably end up volunteering again. I volunteered a lot when I first moved to SF and I enjoyed it. I really miss working with animals. I could see spending a lot more time with the SFSPCA here.

Depending on the state of the world, economy, etc, we might end up in a different country. Nothing is concrete yet. We’ll be in SF at least until I’m 62, but after that it’s still up for grabs. It also depends on what type of job Shawn has at the time as well.

I’m definitely looking forward to it. I never dreamed of a “retirement” growing up as poor as I did, but looking forward to it now feels like a full circle in many ways. I built a life and a career from the remains of my old self. Even then I didn’t dare dream, but here we are bouncing around that last corner into the hike stretch.

References

References
↑1 If it still exists.