Married

Well, after 12 years together and 11 as domestic partners, we finally tied the knot yesterday! It was a wonderful day.

My only regret is the two besties from Texas couldn’t be with us. Shawn’s two besties came up from LA to attend and are house-sitting princess Daisy while we are on our honeymoon.

While it started as a formality to finalize what we had already decided, we both ended up really looking forward to it! Neither of us are pretentious or super fussy. We wanted it to be simple, short, and as stress free as possible. There ended up being no delays or any problems at all. It was a wonderful day. Of course, I cried. I’m old enough that marriage was never something I even dreamed of when I was younger. Being in my own wedding, even at this age, left me a bit vulnerable and overcome with a variety of emotions.

Having decided “last minute” in terms of normal wedding planning, things just fell together pretty easily. We could not get it officiated at City Hall due to timing, but we were able to find a mutual friend who volunteered to officiate it for us. Even more last minute we found another friend who is a photographer, that graciously rescheduled his day to fit us in. [1]So yes, more official photos coming soon.. I was honestly a little terrified things would go horribly wrong for any number of unknown reasons, but it didn’t.

After the ceremony, we opted for a nice reception lunch at the Rotunda here in SF. [2]Read “fancy” lol  Again, without even planning it we ran into a friend working there who went out of his way to make our lunch as enjoyable as possible. It truly was a fantastic day.

The only thing we didn’t get done were the rings. We have a set that was meant to be our engagement rings and they are becoming a part of the new rings. We couldn’t get them done in time, but it’s on the list as soon as we get back. We used the existing set for the ceremony, but we are both eager for the new nicer set.

Now we are off to Puerta Vallarta for our official honeymoon. We never actually took one the first time so we splurged a bit on accommodations. We’ve actually not traveled much since COVID, so we are excited to get away together.

Y’all, I’m still a bit gobsmacked that I’m actually married. But I’m happy, so I guess that’s the point!

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 So yes, more official photos coming soon.
↑2 Read “fancy” lol

Training

I’m dealing with a unique situation with a trainee at work.  The challenge of it has reminded me of my old desire to be a teacher.

Is that your shocked face?  Yes, yours truly started out wanting to be a teacher…science to be specific.  I gave up on the idea after seeing how often teachers are paid and treated.  It still rankles me to no end how we idolize sports players but treat the true role models in our formative years like a disposable commodity.

While I ultimately gave up on that career, I’ve carried those skills and desires across all the jobs in my life, including my current one.  I’ve been a CTO [1]certified train officer here for most of my career.  I often feel most rewarded when helping someone, who truly struggles, to master the skills necessary to do this line of work. We aren’t a traditional learning environment, so all the better.  The demands are high and the time line is finite, so knowing I can help others is important to me.

My current trainee is a remedial of sorts. [2]I had him for his first rotation of three.  He excels in the basic core functions.  He’s quick with computers, a fast typist, and not at all dense.  However, he keeps getting right to the edge and missing the mark on key components.  After reviewing his training logs and speaking with his other trainers, I couldn’t fathom why he was still struggling. It didn’t add up.

After a few days together again, it dawned on me what he was doing.  I completely restructured his lesson plan and so far it’s working.  I was surprised with myself afterwards because I was so giddy and excited about it.  I guess I’d forgotten that feeling.  I don’t train as often as I used to because it takes a lot out of me.  I invest myself in the process and the person.  I’m older now and my stamina is just reduced.  However, seeing him improve has lifted my spirits at work and reminded me why I chose this career.

I bring it up today as lately, I’m sure like many of you, I struggle to find joy in the world around me.  I’m not prone to depression but trying to be aware of current events while simultaneously trying to filter out the sheer sadness of it all is a struggle. So finding a bright spot in my work was a delightful surprise.

I’m fond of saying, “teaching a thing and knowing a thing or two entirely different skills.”  I’m grateful to be good at both in my job.  I’m grateful I can help others to be better, which in turn helps better my community. Its not on a world events scale, but even little victories are a victory.

I encourage you to find those little victories in life to keep you going. It’s going to be a rough 4 years but I’m hopeful we’ll get thru it.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 certified train officer
↑2 I had him for his first rotation of three

History


So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday.  😂

Memorial to the steam room

The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.

To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉

When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.

While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. [1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …

Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. [2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)

Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.

In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.

Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.

All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!

References

References
↑1 Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
↑2 When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

Gym

I heard these two queens talking about an older guy in the gym the other day. They seemed specifically miffed that a guy in his 60’s was still hitting the gym. Is that a thing now? We are age shaming gay guys trying to stay in shape?

I probably would have said something in the past, but I’m in my congenial era at the moment. I just laughed it off and started up a conversation with the guy by congratulating him on his muscle growth. What these two didn’t know was he’d lost about 50-60 lbs in the last 6 months after surviving a major heart attack. We had chatted very briefly in the past as he asked for a spot on a bench he was struggling with. He had offered he was lucky to be alive and really excited to be back in the gym.

I made sure to look at both of the snotty dudes while talking with him, as our voices could be clearly heard across the room. To add a bit of salt in the wound, one of the guys these two usually fawn over came over and congratulated the man too. I did get to see them slink away afterwards.

Ok, so maybe not congenial exactly….  😂

Friend

Shawn, Bob, Moby

This is my retired coworker and dear friend Bob pictured with Shawn and myself. We worked together for many years before his retirement and we’ve become closer friends since then. He is 83! (I should hope to live so long and still be mobile under my own steam!) He lives in Castro Valley which is about 30 mins out of SF. I get up once a month or so or he gets down here to hang out in the ‘hood.

Due to his age, I’ve also stepped into a role as his extended caregiver. I’m happy to be there to help him out when and where I can. I’ve talked my whole life about the lack of role models for gen X’ers like myself growing up gay. Well, here I am grown up and I can be that role model…I hope. At least I try to be.

Not being close to most of my family, the elders of which are deceased anyway, I’ve never had this sort of care role. I’m honored he trusts me enough to lean on for support. He sometimes worries he is a burden and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Well, as I sit here typing this I am remembering maybe this isn’t my first care role. 😂 When my younger brother was coming up, I ended up caring for him a lot due to his mom’s pill addiction. Later, after getting kicked out of home for being a big homo, I spent roughly 2 years caring for my elderly grandmother. So maybe I should rephrase to say, “this is my first care role as an adult!”

Regardless, I’m happy to do it. He is my friend and having outlived most of his own family I know he needs my help. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

54

Well….As of yesterday, I’m 54 years old. With all the drama surrounding the inauguration, I just didn’t feel like posting anything. I managed to avoid the bulk of the news until today. And the onslaught regarding the Orange one along with the N*zi Musk was still shocking. [1]Yeah, you saw what you saw. We all did 

My birthday itself was enjoyable. I took off a long weekend from work, which is a gift in itself. hehehe  Shawn always does nice things for me. I got a few lovely gifts and had a very nice dinner out. We spent the day together just being chill. He always makes it memorable.

The day did start out a bit rough. Miss Daisy slammed into the hallway stairwell a couple weeks back and injured herself. We had to take her for a follow up with the specialist bright and early yesterday. Thankfully, the specialist took a good look at her and declared she did not need x-rays and does not believe she tore her ACL. It was most likely a sprain/bruise and/or a combination of age, arthritis, and the mild injury combined. We could not have left with better news. And while a specialist isn’t cheap, we were happy to have her properly evaluated and even happier she is ok. She hasn’t been limping since the night of the injury, but she’s also been on meds. She’s off the meds now and still bouncing around like nothing happened.

*

I have all but abandoned FB, but I checked in because I knew so many would send well wishes and I didn’t want to be rude. I’m always so flattered that so many people take the time. Beyond that, you shouldn’t really expect to see me much on FB and definitely not on twitter. The latter is nothing but a cesspool of hatred now.

I try not to get upset over things I can’t control, but it is a struggle. The next 4 years are going to be hard for a lot of us. Know that contrary to some of the public commentary, your value is not diminished due to ignorance, hatred, and bias. We certainly will not be silent, and we are not going away.

So, here’s to an interesting year ahead.

References

References
↑1 Yeah, you saw what you saw. We all did

HNY

Well, it’s 2025.

Y’all know I don’t really celebrate it, courtesy of 2 decades of work related trauma. It should come as no surprise, I took the day off. Hehehe

Shawn is under the weather so we stayed at home. We had planned to attend an early party, but no biggie. It’s kind of a made up holiday. I’m normally pretty optimistic but considering what’s ahead, I’m not feeling overly joyous. It’s certainly going to be dramatic, that’s for sure.

I think my only new year’s resolution is to take more photos. I’m terrible at capturing my life on camera. Not that anyone else cares, but I’m not a spring chicken anymore.

That’s all I can muster at the moment. It probably sounds a bit depressing. I’m not trying to be, I just tend to be realistic.

That said, Im wishing the best for you and yours this next year!

Hope springs eternal…

Happy…

…whatever you celebrate:

Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Solstice, etc.

Oddly, the war cry against the non-existent war on Christmas has been pretty light this year. I’ve barely seen or heard anyone whining about it. No Starbucks boycotts, no yelling at strangers. Maybe considering the state of political affairs they think the war is over. Whatevs …

If you’re into the holiday I’m wishing you the best. Get stuffed and be merry. Be safe and enjoy it.

If you’re not, don’t sweat it. It’s technically just another day. It’s not even the real birthday of the alleged baby jeebus. (That always gets the “xtians” hopping mad. 😂) It’s just another day, and it will be over soon. As soon as it’s over we can drop the pretense that we as a society care about our fellow man.

Find something fun to do for yourself.

I’ll be working but they pay me well enough for it so I can’t be too mad. It’s one of the few good ones I have left at work. The weather locally is a mess so be careful out there.

Back, Back, and Back

Returning to more mundane posts, here is a selfie. I’m back at the gym at least on a somewhat consistent schedule. Not as often as I’d like, but still.

Back selfie

My back is looking better even if I’m still struggling daily with discomfort and managing it. It’s not like before where I’m one step away from a muscle spasm. There is joy in that; however, it’s still disruptive, some days more than others. It’s hell getting old. 😂

If you’ve forgotten, I have cartilage deterioration on two of my lower back vertebrae, this causes compression and grinding when I move. Ironically, I seem to struggle now more at night when I sleep. Before the last procedure, it was always movement that seemed to activate my pain. I’m a side sleeper and almost any position on my side finds me waking up very sore. [1]I already sleep with a pillow between my legs  I’m getting the sense it has more to do with compression vs muscle irritation though. Most days I find if I lay flat on my back or flat with my head elevated for about 30 to 60 minutes I return to a functional level of normalcy. I could never do that before the procedure. Sometimes, I get lucky enough afterwards to feel no real discomfort…. sometimes.

I do physical therapy stretches and exercises often and I’ve incorporated stretches specifically meant to offset spinal compression. They do work. Or at least until I go to sleep again . Then I start all over the next day. Some nights are better than others but I never seem to know what will set it off.

Needless to say, it makes for a difficult schedule to work out the muscles to support the back. This pic was a good day.

References

References
↑1 I already sleep with a pillow between my legs